Who gets into Heaven…?
Speaker: Hello, newcomers, and welcome to Hell.
Can everybody hear me? [taps the mic a few times] Hello? Can everybuh-? Okay. [the crowd quiets down]
Uh, I’m the hell director. Uh, it looks like we have about 8,615 of you newbies today, and for those of you who are a little confused, uh, you are dead, and this is hell, so, abandon all hope and uh yada yada yada.
Uh, we are now going to start the orientation process, which will last about-
Man 4: Hey, wait a minute, I shouldn’t be here. I was a totally strict and devout Protestant! I thought we went to heaven!
Hell Director: Yes, well I’m afraid you were wrong.
Soldier: I was a practicing Jehovah’s Witness.
Hell director: Uh, you picked the wrong religion as well.
Man 5: Well, who was right? Who gets into heaven?
Hell Director: I’m afraid it was the Mormons.
Yes, the Mormons were the correct answer.
Crowd: [disappointed] Awww.
Yes, wouldn’t it be a bugger if after praying devoutly to the God of your choice for a whole lifetime it turns out that you picked the wrong religion…