{"id":869,"date":"2005-08-19T06:37:00","date_gmt":"2005-08-19T06:37:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nolligan.co.uk\/SU\/?p=869"},"modified":"2022-02-16T11:09:32","modified_gmt":"2022-02-16T03:09:32","slug":"869","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.nolligan.ie\/SU\/869\/","title":{"rendered":"Who gets into Heaven&#8230;?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/giphy.com\/embed\/3o6Ztq5WTvF7LqQBgI\" width=\"480\" height=\"270\" frameBorder=\"0\" class=\"giphy-embed\" allowFullScreen><\/iframe><p><a href=\"https:\/\/giphy.com\/gifs\/southparkgifs-3o6Ztq5WTvF7LqQBgI\">via GIPHY<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Who gets into Heaven&#8230;?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Speaker: Hello, newcomers, and welcome to Hell.<br>Can everybody hear me? [taps the mic a few times] Hello? Can everybuh-? Okay. [the crowd quiets down]<br>Uh, I&#8217;m the hell director. Uh, it looks like we have about 8,615 of you newbies today, and for those of you who are a little confused, uh, you are dead, and this is hell, so, abandon all hope and uh yada yada yada.<br>Uh, we are now going to start the orientation process, which will last about-<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Man 4: Hey, wait a minute, I shouldn&#8217;t be here. I was a totally strict and devout Protestant! I thought we went to heaven!<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Hell Director: Yes, well I&#8217;m afraid you were wrong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Soldier: I was a practicing Jehovah&#8217;s Witness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Hell director: Uh, you picked the wrong religion as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Man 5: Well, who was right? Who gets into heaven?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Hell Director: I&#8217;m afraid it was the Mormons.<br><i>Yes, the Mormons were the correct answer.<\/i><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Crowd: [disappointed] Awww.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Yes, wouldn&#8217;t it be a bugger if after praying devoutly to the God of your choice for a whole lifetime it turns out that you picked the wrong religion&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>via GIPHY Who gets into Heaven&#8230;? Speaker: Hello, newcomers, and welcome to Hell.Can everybody hear me? [taps the mic a few times] Hello? Can everybuh-? Okay. [the crowd quiets down]Uh, I&#8217;m the hell director. Uh, it looks like we have &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/www.nolligan.ie\/SU\/869\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[19,1,99],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-869","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-humour","category-uncategorized","category-updated-2022"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.nolligan.ie\/SU\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/869","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.nolligan.ie\/SU\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.nolligan.ie\/SU\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.nolligan.ie\/SU\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.nolligan.ie\/SU\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=869"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/www.nolligan.ie\/SU\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/869\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3838,"href":"http:\/\/www.nolligan.ie\/SU\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/869\/revisions\/3838"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.nolligan.ie\/SU\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=869"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.nolligan.ie\/SU\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=869"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.nolligan.ie\/SU\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=869"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}