T’lorem ipsum

T’lorem ipsum, by eck that sounds reet queer Tha don’t get owt for nowt ‘appen as maybe tha knows Th’art nesh thee nay lad soft lad wacken thi sen up t’foot o’ our stairs. Nay lad where’s tha bin. Th’art nesh thee a pint ‘o mild any rooad t’foot o’ our stairs. Where there’s muck there’s brass t’foot o’ our stairs ah’ll gi’ thee a thick ear. Ah’ll learn thi tintintin tell thi summat for nowt soft lad mardy bum. Chuffin’ nora ah’ll box thi ears soft lad ee by gum tell thi summat for nowt ah’ll gi’ thee a thick ear. Bobbar nay lad. Breadcake soft southern pansy wacken thi sen up. Be reet where’s tha bin mardy bum mardy bum. Tell thi summat for nowt where there’s muck there’s brass shu’ thi gob. Dahn t’coil oil. That’s champion ey up will ‘e ‘eckerslike shurrup by ‘eck. Eeh. Shu’ thi gob face like a slapped arse god’s own county soft lad th’art nesh thee tha daft apeth.

State of the art printing press in Cleck-Heckmondwike, West Riding

Ne’ermind soft lad th’art nesh thee gi’ o’er ah’ll box thi ears shurrup. Ginnel snicket Tha knows wacken thi sen up cack-handed nay lad gi’ o’er ne’ermind. Ee by gum. Tintintin ah’ll box thi ears aye tha what ne’ermind big girl’s blouse. Nay lad tintintin face like a slapped arse what’s that when it’s at ooam. Michael palin ah’ll gi’ thee a thick ear. By ‘eck that’s champion mardy bum mardy bum t’foot o’ our stairs appens as maybe. Will ‘e ‘eckerslike. Big girl’s blouse nay lad tha knows. Eeh ah’ll gi’ thee a thick ear. Where there’s muck there’s brass. Shurrup where there’s muck there’s brass. Aye. T’foot o’ our stairs cack-handed where’s tha bin. Soft lad.

Nobbut a lad big girl’s blouse nay lad is that thine shurrup. By ‘eck th’art nesh thee shu’ thi gob. Bloomin’ ‘eck nay lad tintintin god’s own county. Chuffin’ nora breadcake nobbut a lad shu’ thi gob. How much that’s champion how much shu’ thi gob. Sup wi’ ‘im bobbar shurrup where there’s muck there’s brass. Shu’ thi gob bobbar. Ah’ll learn thi god’s own county where’s tha bin. Bloomin’ ‘eck ne’ermind. Dahn t’coil oil th’art nesh thee that’s champion wacken thi sen up ah’ll gi’ thee a thick ear. Bobbar ee by gum is that thine. Cack-handed. Soft lad ey up big girl’s blouse nay lad that’s champion.

Gerritetten ey up tha what. Aye mardy bum aye. Bloomin’ ‘eck ah’ll gi’ thi summat to rooer abaht ah’ll box thi ears is that thine ee by gum th’art nesh thee. Ey up ah’ll gi’ thee a thick ear chuffin’ nora nah then th’art nesh thee dahn t’coil oil. God’s own county wacken thi sen up. God’s own county ne’ermind. T’foot o’ our stairs bobbar wacken thi sen up by ‘eck tha daft apeth. Mardy bum eeh soft lad sup wi’ ‘im. Aye bobbar where there’s muck there’s brass tha what. Will ‘e ‘eckerslike. God’s own county soft southern pansy by ‘eck nobbut a lad what’s that when it’s at ooam chuffin’ nora. Tha knows.

Geoffrey Boycott tell thi summat for nowt aye tintintin breadcake. God’s own county what’s that when it’s at ooam big girl’s blouse how much chuffin’ nora. Cack-handed god’s own county mardy bum shurrup. Appens as maybe. That’s champion tha knows ah’ll gi’ thee a thick ear nay lad chuffin’ nora ah’ll gi’ thi summat to rooer abaht.

Any rooad cack-handed be reet nay lad soft lad ah’ll gi’ thee a thick ear. Tha knows ah’ll gi’ thee a thick ear ah’ll gi’ thi summat to rooer abaht ne’ermind where there’s muck there’s brass th’art nesh thee. Tintintin be reet. Sup wi’ ‘im god’s own county. Soft southern pansy ah’ll box thi ears cack-handed. Tha what ah’ll box thi ears by ‘eck will ‘e ‘eckerslike how much. Dahn t’coil oil dahn t’coil oil what’s that when it’s at ooam that’s champion. T’foot o’ our stairs ah’ll gi’ thi summat to rooer abaht t’foot o’ our stairs Alan Bennett how much what’s that when it’s at ‘oam

What’s Lorem ipsum?

Uncyclopedia – Mae Zedong

“We should rid our ranks of all impotent thinking.”


‘Mae Zedong (December 26, 1893 — November 22, 1980)

…was an actress, writer and communist revolutionary famous for her daring double entendres and her belief that proletarian revolution could come from the peasant classes.

After winning control of mainland China in 1949, Zedong modernized the country through a series of risque comedies and films, filled with quips, one-liners and denunciation of “reactionary” elements.

These were later collected into the “Little Black Book,” which became a standard text for revolutionaries into the 1960s.’





The World of Stanley Unwin


“Hi ho
and a jolly welcode
to all you surfwide’n interwebber lopers.
Here beholdy manifold things
Stanley Unwinmost
– all deep joy
and thorkus
for great laugh’n tittery.

O yes.”

Stanley Unwin.
The man who inspired John Prescott to be the great orator that he is today.

In this clip we hear New Labour’s Devolution plans explained:


The Goon Show


From The Goon Show, The Red Fort, Series 8 Episode 7:

Major Bloodnok OBE, late of the 3rd Disgusting Fusiliers,

“I say Major your medals are showing.”
“Yes!” “And they’re all long service you know.”

Update: broken link so here are some alternatives:


Listen online: https://www.radio-uk.co.uk/abacusfm-the-goon-show

Podcasts and link to Archive.org Goon Show mp3 resources https://fourble.co.uk/podcast/thegoonshow

Radio Echoes – 206 Goon show episodes

Reasons to set your location to: Royston Vasey


Sorry, Stumbleupon no longer exists – it was a great online community  similar to (but before) Tumblr until the people who ran it broke it. 

SU Population = 5

Calling all stumblers:

Move to Royston Vasey, you know it makes sense.

Imagine if you move to Royston Vasey you will:

1) Be able to tell foreigners that they won’t have heard of where you live ‘unless you are local’
2) Politely decline to post your location on people’s guest maps , because ‘Where I live isn’t listed.’
3) NOT appear on google earth and therefore be safe from spy satellites,
4) Never leave,
5) Go swimming in our incredibly shallow gene pool.
6) er…
7)…that’s it

Molecule shirts showing the molecular structure of your favorite drugs



Interesting but I remember from my days at University, the Chemical society had a picture of the above compound emblazoned on their t-shirts together with the logo:

‘Leeds Chemists wipe their own.’

In case you’re wondering, the molecule in question is an arsole.

More amusingly named chemicals can be found at:

Blackadder – Wikiquote


From the page: “

“I’m as happy as a Frenchman who’s invented a pair of self-removing trousers.”


Baldrick: I have a plan, sir.
Blackadder: Really, Baldrick, a cunning and subtle one?
Baldrick: Yes, sir.
Blackadder: As cunning as a fox who’s just been appointed
Professor of Cunning at Oxford University?”

The one they missed…

“Baldrick, you wouldn’t know a cunning plan if it stripped naked, painted itself purple and danced on top of a harpsichord singing ‘Cunning plans are here again’…”



From the site: “Madeye.s5.com – Where sanity ends and the fun begins!”



From the page:

“We do not have to visit a madhouse to find disordered minds; our planet is the mental institution of the universe.”

A Collection of Flash Animations by Anthony Scodary.

Update 2022 : dropped off the web in 2005,Anthony Scodary made the ‘How to kill a mockingbird’ animation too

How to Kill a Mockingbird


How to Kill a Mockingbird

Update 2022: couldn’t track this one down which was a shame. The page has been moved and imageshack being a bunch of ****s didn’t help. However,

I searched https://www.stanford.edu/

and Youtube to see if it had been saved there – but no joy

But I did find it


Where you CAN watch the animation

This is one you just HAVE to see, I laughed until I stopped and then some more.

“Be patient: you’ll be proud of yourself.”

Ireland and the UK


This Ireland and the UK cartoon is no longer available – I’ve tried to locate other copies – but no luck.

No longer available

Hilarious, the 10 greatest things about Britain as seen from the Irish perspective. I am pleased to report that I made it to the Number One slot. Better than that pile of pants the BBC’s ‘Greatest Britons’


where I came last…

Who gets into Heaven…?


Who gets into Heaven…?

Speaker: Hello, newcomers, and welcome to Hell.
Can everybody hear me? [taps the mic a few times] Hello? Can everybuh-? Okay. [the crowd quiets down]
Uh, I’m the hell director. Uh, it looks like we have about 8,615 of you newbies today, and for those of you who are a little confused, uh, you are dead, and this is hell, so, abandon all hope and uh yada yada yada.
Uh, we are now going to start the orientation process, which will last about-

Man 4: Hey, wait a minute, I shouldn’t be here. I was a totally strict and devout Protestant! I thought we went to heaven!

Hell Director: Yes, well I’m afraid you were wrong.

Soldier: I was a practicing Jehovah’s Witness.

Hell director: Uh, you picked the wrong religion as well.

Man 5: Well, who was right? Who gets into heaven?

Hell Director: I’m afraid it was the Mormons.
Yes, the Mormons were the correct answer.

Crowd: [disappointed] Awww.

Yes, wouldn’t it be a bugger if after praying devoutly to the God of your choice for a whole lifetime it turns out that you picked the wrong religion…


Uncle Nolli’s Feng-shui Astral Horoscopes


Gemini: 22 May-21 June:
As Pluto, wearing only a towelling bathrobe and a wry smile, walks in on
Mercury, who is just out of the shower, you can expect a week of minor but
somehow long-lasting embarassments.

Lucky salted snack: Cheesy Wotsits.

Collect the set


Uncle Nolli’s Feng-shui Astral Horoscopes


Sagittarius: 23 November-21 December:

Confusion tomorrow when the tray in your CD player suddenly begins to leak
apple juice. Luckily it’s still under guarantee. And the apple juice will
keep for three days if refrigerated.

Lucky shampoo: Wash & Go 2-in-1.

Collect the set

Sniggle.net the Culture Jammers Encyclopaedia

snig·gle (v) — To fish for eels by thrusting a baited hook into their hiding places.


Update: Visually rather old fashioned – this is how websites used to look at the end of the 20th century. A few nuggets to be found here although I’m not sure how active it is nowadays. I particularly enjoyed the pseudoscience section.

It describes itself as the Culture Jammers Encyclopaedia. Many subjects are covered from cryptozoology , Jello Biafra, Trickster Gods and Commerce Jamming.

Also very pleased that sniggle.net has been on the web since 1997.

‘Red Carpet of Death’ scuppers Gates’ knighthood




Red Carpet of Death’ scuppers Gates’ knighthood

“Palace courtiers battled with software for more than two hours during the ceremony, with the waiting audience of be-hatted sycophants growing increasingly restless, as Her Majesty repeatedly failed to knight Mr Gates. After two false starts, the Keeper of the Royal Disks (more affectionately, if warily, known as Hard Rod) was forced to reinitialise the Monarch’s ageing boot drive, reinstall Microdaft Monarchy.

Several onlookers who knew-a-thing-or-two-about-computers thought that a virus may have been to blame, the most likely candidate being the infamous “Camilla” Trojan. If left unchecked, this wicked little filly of code can cause fatal system errors in any Royal lineage, and has even been known to lead to full Republic status in a matter of weeks. A palace IT manager said later that “Camilla is an absolutely lethal Worm which can leverage outage disruption in mission-critical architectures, whilst further impacting substantive legacy systems… blah blah blah…”

The Royal honour was to have been bestowed at the personal request of the British Prime Minister, a known technophobe, in recognition of Mr Gates’s regular help with “sorting-out his Hotmail account”. More cynical observers have suggested, ridiculously in our view, that Mr Gates’s stupendous wealth may also have entered into the equation: World-Dominating Technology + Very Rich Guy + PM = Third Term. Absurd.

Following his eventual knighthood, as an American citizen Mr Gates cannot of course be referred to as “Sir Willy”, as this is an honour that can only be bestowed upon British subjects in a bizarre “RubbaDubbing” ceremony. However, since software patches were added in 1997 and 2001, the UK now runs remotely on a networked operating system based in Washington, so it seems likely that provided Mr Gates returns his original program disks, and agrees to the installation of a UK-registered dongle, he will be automatically upgraded to a full “substantive” knight in due course.”

Rockall Times: UK Residency Language Test

Warning: Snowflakes and those easily offended please don’t read


More NSFW humour from the pages of the Rockall Times

Wayback Machine:


Update: this is way more offensive than I remember it