Uncle Nolli’s Astro-Tarot-Feng Shui Horoscopes Column:

This week:

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Relentless robotic focus on technological imperatives has turned you into an asocial automaton; you’re having difficulty passing the Turing test, even with your family and loved ones.
Time to gather up what remains of your disintegrating humanity and explore your nonlinear side:

Train a cat to fetch,
attempt telepathic contact with giant koi,
try to find the hidden Christian messages in Marilyn Manson CDs.